Discovery and Change

It's hard to believe that I started my job three months ago and have been living in this area for that long, almost. It feels like I've been here a while, but 3 months really is not that long in retrospect. It seems like yesterday, I was living in and completely enjoying all my time in Logan. A lot has happened in three months. Most importantly, I am learning more and more about myself, who I am, what I want, and how I cope. I have discovered new comfort foods and activities. This has truly been a time of self-discovery.

Who Am I?

I can give the basic answers here. I know who I am as far as being divine and a daughter, sister, aunt, friend, etc. That still does not answer who I am in a sense. There's a song that has expressed my feelings lately:"I'm just a girl, trying to find my place in this world.".  I'm learning that many people feel this way. They desire to find their niche. They want to have a purpose. In reality, most of our life is spent discovering who we are, because we are constantly changing.

What Do I Want?

Before moving down here, I was convinced that all I wanted was to be healthy, have a stable financial situation and have my steady support system of my family and friends. Ironically, I moved father away from family, and most friends. I had to re-evaluate what I wanted. Here is what I found. I want stability, in many senses. I want to be a part of something. I want to fit in. I want to feel wanted and needed. I want to make a difference.

How I Cope?

The short answer to this question is, I don't. However, I am working on that. I have found when I have a "bad stomach day" or a rough day, I want to sit in my room and do be alone, in hopes of avoiding or discussing what is up. This is NOT good. These feelings need to come out. This past week, I had an extremely difficult day and did not want to talk to anyone. However, I knew that if I kept it in, I would lose sleep and that I would let the issues eat me alive. Talking it out with a roommate was one of the best things I did that day.

Part of my coping has shown me my go to comfort foods and activities that make life all the better. My comfort foods consist of Crazy Bread, Italian Cheese Bread, Toast, Macaroni and Cheese, and Cuatro Leches Ice Cream (vanilla ice cream, with tres leches cake bits and a dulce de leche swirl). The ice cream is amazing. You can see the stress drain away as you eat it, or so my roommate told me as I ate it. I believe it too, because I felt so much better after eating it. Ha Ha.

I have also discovered activities that help me. Being outside is a huge thing for me. On my lunch break, some days I will go out to my car, roll down the windows, let the hair flow through and read a book. So nice! I have recently become addicted to nature photography and love the beauty of the earth. Along with that, I have re-discovered that being active is a big deal. Running. Dancing (where no one can see). Walking. Whatever. These all help me to feel better and are needed after looking at my list of comfort foods. Ha Ha.

To assure that this post is taken in the right spirit. I am changing and becoming a better person everyday. As much as I loved where I was, I am grateful for the change. It is allowing me to examine myself and be stronger and more assured of who I am and what I want. I was comfortable with where I was at and who I was becoming, but that is not who I needed to be. We are all bound for greatness and in order to achieve that greatness, trials, changes, and moments of not being sure have to come. They will truly mold us into who we need to be and prepare us for what is next in life.

I Have Changed!