5 Months

In the matter of 5 months, my life has changed drastically in almost every single aspect. I cannot begin to share every way that it has changed. On May 28th, I got sick. It didn't seem like anything out of the ordinary. After a few days, I started feeling better. However, a week later, I still hadn't gotten my voice back and hadn't really seen any improvements. One of my co-workers called an ENT office and set up an appointment for me that Friday. I didn't think it was necessary, but looking back, I'm glad she did. Since that day, 5 months ago, I have not had a voice.

It has definitely been one of the hardest times in my life. There is no denying that. I could not communicate with my family very well because I did not have a computer and could not talk. Texting was the best I could do. I cut myself off from being around friends and social settings because I figured no one wanted to be around someone without a voice and I didn't want to be embarrassed by my lack of voice. I was convinced that I could get through it on my own and that I didn't need help, because I'm an independent person. I put on a strong face in public. However, in the privacy of my own home, it was a different story. I didn't want people to see that side. I didn't want to appear weak.

This has been one of the most life-changing events of my life. There are many instances in my life where I can look back and see what has inspired little changes, but this one has changed me in so many ways.

One of the biggest things that I have had to do is to learn to ask for help. I am so grateful for the numerous friends, family members, and ward members, who encouraged me to do so and were there for me when I truly needed them. There have been so many people who have been my interpreters, ran errands for me, were patient with me and my voice, and so much more. It is still not something I am completely comfortable doing, but it has become easier.

Through this trial, many other trials came. It was almost as if all I had was being taken from me in one way or another. My strength wavered and I began to wonder if I would amount to anything or ever be able to do anything that I had felt were right or inspired to do at earlier stages of my life. However, within the past few weeks, an overwhelming peace has come over me letting me know that life is good, I am doing what I need to be doing, and that this is happening for a greater reason than I realize. This is necessary.

In Young Womens, we focus a lot on our Divine Nature. The one thing that kept me going was knowing that my Heavenly Father loves me and was so mindful of me in this situation. There were so many low points where I would be sobbing and a friend would show up at my door, or I would get a text, or someone would send me a message. I didn't ask for those, they just happened. He was so aware of what I was needing, because He knows me. It didn't make sense to me, for a while, why he would care so much, but I know it is because I am His daughter and he truly desires me to be happy.

We also teach the girls about their Individual Worth. I struggled with my self-esteem, wondering how anyone could stand to be around me, not feeling like the Whitney I was before all of this, doubting my strengths and talents, and inwardly beating myself up when others were succeeding and I was not in any way, shape or form. One day, after a good, but rough, therapy session, I came home and started crying. A dear friend came over and talked with me for a couple hours and helped me to see things differently. I came to realize that, on top of the abilities I had before, I was developing strengths that I had never realized. This has shown me not only who I am but what I have the potential of becoming.

On Saturday, I was listening a great lady talk and she said something about have a great support system that is also like a family, though we may or may not be related. It is so incredibly true. I have felt the prayers of so many people. The kind words have been humbling and the support is indescribable. My family has been great. They are my support and my rock. It is a blessing to have had them to turn to when things seemed impossible. I remember one of my homework assignments was to call my parents. It was such a difficult thing, but they were so patient an loving. My temple family has been so supportive and found ways to allow me to keep serving without a voice. My friend family has really stepped up and shown me that even though I prefer helping others, it is okay to ask for help and they will be there to help me. Thank you everyone!

I have learned that I can do hard things. Also, I know that when trials come, a way will be provided to endure them. I cannot count the times these things have happened and I have been blessed in ways I could not even imagine. Blessings come from trials. I know this for a fact. It is hard to see those blessing sometimes and often times we do not recognize them until they are hindsight, but it is so true.

Yes, the past 5 months have been hard. There is no denying that. They have also been filled with so many experiences that have changed me. I am not the same person I was 5 months ago. I've changed for sure. Sometimes I struggle recognizing myself because of all the changes that have taken place. It is then that I remind myself I am being molded in to something greater. I am being blessed.

This is not the end. There is still more to accomplish before the voice in completely back. There will still be therapy sessions. I will still have hard days. There is still more to learn. However, I know that this is happening for a reason and that some day I will see it. I'm not sure why and I'm not sure when, but it will come. I've been so blessed up to this point and I know more blessings are awaiting. Thank you all again for all of your love and support. :)