On of my favorite games growing up was Chutes and Ladders. I remember constantly landing on the chutes for sneaking cookies and ice skating on thin ice. I would always hope for the ladder which help the kitten out of the tree, but usually ended up getting the paying for a friend to go to a movie ladder. Pretty sure I realized it then, but it makes more sense now, how much that game was really teaching while we played. Good choices lift you up. Bad choices bring you down.
I Love Slides! To this day, when I am at a park, I want to go down the slides. In fact, I worked at a day care for a while. During that time, we would go to different parks. I made it my self-appointed job to test all of the slides to see which one was the best. Some were slow. Others were made of metal, so they got hot easy. Some were covered. Some had twists and turns. Some had bumps. One of my favorites had a couple of twists and a few little bumps.
Roller Coasters weren't a huge part of my childhood. I was too scared to try them. Don't get me wrong, I've been on a few. In fact, just a couple of weeks ago, at Lagoon, I branched out and tried a new one, which was kind of scary for me. I'm not a huge fan of the big drops and crazy turns, in ways, but I will admit that it really was fun. After we finished the ride, I got off thinking that I had faced a fear (not completely, because there are still roller coasters that I will not ride) and accomplished something to prove that.
You are probably thinking, what does this all have to do with each other. Or maybe you are asking yourself why I am sharing this with you. There is a reason. If you look and each of these memories, they all relate to my life these past couple of months, but especially this past week. There have been ups and down, chutes and ladders, twists, turns, bumps, dips, drops and more.
Therapy is going well. One day, I had what my therapist called a breakthrough, though looking back, I would call it more of a breakdown, but it was a step in the right directions. We heard my natural voice (though still very quiet) and it came out with very little effort. I was so excited at first and still am, but then the breakdown occurred. I was so confused. My therapist, who is amazing, explained that it is completely normal and a good thing. At my next session and since then, I have been able to get some decent voice, but am still working through the issues that the breakdown brought up.
Without too many more details (because you know that you really don't want to be bored with my life and stories) there have been so many chutes this week. Basically, my life is completely different in almost every way, with the exception that I still don't have a voice and do still have stomach issues, along with a few other things. Some of them felt like major drops on a roller coaster (remember I'm not a fan of those) and some have just been little bumps or twists and turns. It has been difficult to makes sense of all of this, but even harder to realize that I need to make the best of whatever situation comes about.
On the other hand, I have been blessed to see the ladders too. Some good has come from these situations, even though it has not been the easiest to recognize and even more difficult to make sense of. I'm so blessed with wonderful people in my life from the friend who spent one evening letting me just cry to her and then indulging in brownies and ice cream afterwards, to the countless friends and family members who have offered prayers in my behalf, to those who have helped my find a place where I fit. There are those who have sent me texts of encouragement. Many have offered and asked how they can help. I cannot begin to show my gratitude for all of these blessings
For the first time in a while, I have felt peace. Peace telling me that I will be fine. Everything is working according to a greater plan than mine. I am on the path I need to be on at this time. Conference has helped. There is still so much to figure out. There are so many decisions to make and paths to explore. The small moments of peace, feeling relaxed and actually beginning to feel and act like myself, have all been tender mercies.
It brings me back to the care-free days of youth, when my biggest worries were: "What park has the best slide?" (Maybe that wasn't so long ago) or "Will I land on the square that will take me down the chute that I have been trying to avoid?" Those were the days for sure. I didn't have to worry about the adult issues in life and got to focus on enjoying life. Maybe that is the key right there: To enjoy life, no matter what circumstances are brought to you, because you have faith and trust that things are going to work out. We are told to become like children, trusting and humble. That is my goal right now.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to go to a park to play on the slides. :)
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