As I sit here thinking about how to title this entry, I am realizing that I am struggling to put into a few words what is on my mind. This is strange for me because usually writing is an escape and finding the right words tends to happen with some ease. As hesitant as I am to share this, I am also equally sure that it needs to be shared, with very few particulars.
A month or so ago, I began to struggle with a specific situation in my life. I was convinced it was a fluke and that it would quickly resolved. I attempted to push onward. It has not been easy of successful. There have been many days of tears, frustration and confusion. I have been very unclear of my next steps or how I can make things better.
After a particularly rough Monday, and an equally tough Tuesday, I finally confronted someone about how I was feeling and some of the measures I was considering. This person tried to put me at ease, and did to a small extent. However, I left with more unknowns. I decided to give it a few weeks and re-evaluate from there.
By the beginning of last week, I needed a break. I needed to get away. I needed a rest. Some family time was exactly what was needed. I took off Thursday night and ran away, trying not to think about the issue that I was leaving behind me, or hoping to leave behind me and not think about. It worked, for the most part. From Thursday to Sunday, I was able to spend some much-needed time with some pretty great people. It was such a freeing time. When I got back to town on Sunday, I was blessed with hearing from Elder Nash at church and then Bishop Richard L Burton at a fireside. I was very optimistic about returning to life.
Needless to say, it was in vain. Since returning, I have spent much time crying, praying, meditating and trying to find peace that is so badly needed. Last night, I decided to go to the one place where peace is promised and is assured. I went to the temple.
Photo from lds.org https://www.lds.org/church/temples/gallery?lang=eng#
For a few hours, I was freed from the problems outside and I could just reflect. I left with positive feelings and with the goal of having patience to get through this incredibly difficult situation. It was interesting, as I got in my car and drove away, the worry-free feeling was dissipated and the same cloud came over me. This time, however, I was able to calm myself.
I wish I could say that this was the end of the story and that by going to the temple I was able to get the peace that helped put me on the right path. However, the trial is still very real. I know that we are given trials for a reason. They strengthen us. They teach us. They prepare us. We have been promised that blessings come after trials. We can and will be lifted up.
I am hopeful for more peace, guidance and understanding over the next few weeks. The temple did give me a starting point and a point of peace that I can try to remember when the going gets tough. It has also prepared me for General Conference this weekend.