Birthdays

In my family, all of the kids have birthdays within a month. This year, something amazing happened. My sister and I both got to see each other on our birthdays. This hasn't happened in a long time. Here's the story.

Spring break for my sister and her family happened to fall on the week of her birthday. For their spring break, they traveled to visit family. They ended up coming to my place on her birthday. We had a great day! When they first got here, we chatted for a bit. Then her husband and the kiddos went and got pizza and crazy bread. We had a picnic on my apartment floor. After lunch, we had brownies. I had made some with Reeses Peanut Butter Cups and peanut butter chips (because she loves peanut butter and chocolate) and a pan of plain brownies. 

After brownies, we went bowling. It was a lot of fun. My brother-in-law dominated, but we really weren't competing. We were just having fun. My niece didn't want to play but could be found dancing around or playing with the hand dryer. After bowling, we went to park to play for a little bit before they had to head back to nana and grandpa's house. It was a great day!

Fast forward a few weeks. I was dreading my birthday, like nothing. The previous year had been one of the hardest years of my life. The week leading up, I had the strongest desire to run away over the weekend or on my birthday, which was on a Monday. The Friday before was a rough day, when I was invited to my sister's place for the weekend. After some texting back and forth, she finally convinced me to come. I headed up early Saturday morning and left on Monday morning. 

We celebrated my birthday both Saturday and Sunday, with yummy donuts. I have been craving those a lot lately. It was so nice to be able to spend the weekend with them, playing and relaxing and catching up. My sister and I were able to talk about life and so many things. It reminded me how nice it is to have someone to really talk to.My new nephew and I had some good conversations. My niece and one nephew requested I bring the bear and jaguar with me. Those are stuffed animals they love. They were so cute playing with them. I'm incredibly impressed with my oldest nephew and his amazing mind. I even beat my brother-in-law in a game of Twister.

When I woke up Monday, I went to change clothes and get ready. The two older boys were getting ready for school and I knew I had to leave that morning to get back for babysitting. As I came out, they all started singing Happy Birthday to me! It was so cute! I loved it and loved them for making this birthday special.

My day wasn't over after that. I made it back and opened gifts. I was so incredibly blessed. After I babysat, my parents came down and took me to dinner. We went to El Sol. My mom got fajitas, I got cheese enchiladas, and my dad got quesadillas. Then we went to the store and got cake. I chose a Cookies and Cream one. It was pretty much amazing!

I was also able to get together with a friend, watch a movie and work on a project, which made both of us happy. The days after, I continued celebrating with a job interview, dinner at El Torro Viejo, dinner at Firehouse, and a free F'zookie!!! It really was a great birthday, especially once I changed my attitude and realized I could celebrate surviving one crazy-difficult year and hope for a better one.

If only I could find a way to be with my brother on his birthday, then it would be the most amazing birthday season ever! Wish I could Bud! My siblings are really some of my best friends and I am so blessed to be related to them and learn from them. 

Each Life That Touches Ours for Good

Ever since high school, this hymn from the LDS hymn book has been one that expresses my sentiments for the amazing people in this world. Especially over the past year, as I have battled the many interesting challenges that have come, many of these people have continued to impact my life. Below are the lyrics to the hymns.

1. 1. Each life that touches ours for good
   Reflects thine own great mercy, Lord;
   Thou sendest blessings from above
   Thru words and deeds of those who love.
2. 2. What greater gift dost thou bestow,
   What greater goodness can we know
   Than Christlike friends, whose gentle ways
   Strengthen our faith, enrich our days.
3. 3. When such a friend from us departs,
   We hold forever in our hearts
   A sweet and hallowed memory,
   Bringing us nearer, Lord, to thee.
4. 4. For worthy friends whose lives proclaim
   Devotion to the Savior's name,
   Who bless our days with peace and love,
   We praise thy goodness, Lord, above.

I have come to really see and appreciate these important people in my life and have realized that we cannot get through hard times in life without these amazing friends. The past two months have been difficult for me, but also, it's been a difficult year, as I have dealt with my vocal disorder as well. I cannot name all the people who have touched my life but I would like to share a few examples.

This morning I got a phone call from one of my favorite people ever. She has been the one who has helped me to remain positive as these trials have come. I had the privilege of working with her every Saturday at the temple. Her love of life and sense of humor cannot be matched. When I had a rough day, she would listen and within 30 minutes, we would be laughing and enjoying ourselves. There are not many people like Sister Jensen. I found out on Saturday that our time working together at the temple will be ending. It was a hard moment. When she called me this morning, we talked about how one life truly can help and touch another. She is how I want to be when I grow up.

I've been no stranger to service these past two months. This has not been easy, but I am convinced that one of the reasons that I have had to go through this, is to learn to ask for help. I am grateful for my dear friend, who while going through her own difficulties that I cannot even imagine, In the midst of all of these trials with her, she would text me daily and come and visit me quite often. Even when things may not have been going the greatest, she was there for me, constantly, though she had every reason not to be. She and I were able to make each other smile. I can always count on her to send a joke, or a cute story, or the perfect text at the right time. Even when her son was going through surgery, she was still checking in on me. She is a completely selfless and incredible friend.

One of the greatest blessings in my life, is the opportunity to serve the young women in my ward, through my calling as the Personal Progress leader. The girls have touched my life is so many ways. Also, I am convinced that I serve with some of the most amazing women ever. These women have been there for me through whatever has taken place, through prayers, new opportunities when old ones ended, sticking with me when I couldn't be there during therapy and sickness. These women are such examples to me, in so many ways, and are the type of role models I would want my girls to have, if I had girls. The lessons they teach, touch me and change me weekly.

My family, of course, make this list. I was blessed with parents who came down and helped me out before, during and after surgery, as well as called to check in with me. I cannot express my gratitude for the many, many things that they have done for me. It's indescribable. My sister, aka Nurse Heather, texted me multiple times a day to make sure I was well. She has always been there through the storms and seems to be someone who will text me on rough days and always knows the right things to say and the right times to say it. My brother brings rays of sunshine. Even though he is younger, it is nice to have someone who is in a similar walk of life and is experiencing similar situations. I could say so much more about each of them, but I'll sum it up by saying, My family is amazing!!!

Then there is someone I've loved since early elementary school days. She is one of my biggest heroes. What is even more amazing is how she and I ended up in the same place after college I have attempted to be there for her, with everything that she has gone through, and she has been there and more for me. She is so full of love for everyone. You ask her for one little thing, and she goes above and beyond. I have talked to so many people who have been touched by her charity. She is a strong and courageous person who shows genuine compassion and inspires everyone around her to give that tenfold.

One last one. My home teachers are the best. I never understood what true home teachers were until recently. I am blessed with a husband/wife companionship. Not only did they make their monthly visit, but they checked in with me consistently, helped when I needed it, brought me food, texted me when they went to the store, brought me the sacrament and let me know that they were ready and willing to help, if it were needed. I knew that they were genuinely concerned for me and it would not inconvenience them if I asked. They were more than just a monthly visit. They became true friends. That showed me how I want to be with those I visit and serve.

There are so many more people that I could add to this list. Just know that I am completely grateful for each of you. I am still trying to find the best way to express my gratitude to everyone who has helped me and touched my life. One thing is certain, the many amazing people who have been placed in my life have for sure touched me for the better. In closing, I want to re-share a few of the lyrics."Thou sendest blessings from above, through words and deeds of those who love. What greater gift dost thou bestow, what greater goodness can we know, than Christlike friends, whose gentle ways, strengthen our faith, enrich our days."

When I Grow Up

On May 28, 2013, I lost my voice and it has yet to completely return, though it is getting closer every day. However, because of the voice, I have started a program called Vocational Rehabilitation. This means that through the services provided, they will help me figure out a career path and find a job. This process has been quite interesting. At the beginning of February, I participated in multiple assessments to help me to learn more about my self, my interests, and what fields would be the most successful for me or where I would be happiest.

I got the report back today on the results of those assessments. I was given homework to figure out which field or what career I would like to focus on. I am my harshest critic, and because of that, choosing a new career path is daunting. I looked at some of the recommendations and am starting to consider which field. It is hard to see myself doing these things, in ways. Yet, in other ways, many of these intrigue me. Because of this, I'd like to ask for your help. Below are some of the options that I am considering.

~ Dietician
~ Pharmacist
~ Physical Therapist
~ Radiologic Tech
~ Athletic Trainer
~ Counselor - Chem. Dep.
~ Guidance Counselor
~ Nurse Aide
~ Occupational Therapist
~ Private Investigator  (Hee Hee Hee)
~ Travel Agent
~ Court Reporter
~ Data Input Operator
~ Medical Assistant
~ Pharmacy Tech
~ Writer

Here's where you come in. I'd like to make this a requirement for anyone who reads this, but I don't want to force you. I really am not that way. However, your input would be appreciated and much needed. Please comment below, send me an email, a message or comment on the facebook post to let me know what you think. I know that the ultimate decision is mine but I feel like others see what I would be good at, more than I do. I have cut out some of the jobs that were listed because they are ones that I feel would not be a good fit for me or I just would not enjoy.

Thanks everyone!

My Whirlwind Week

Last weekend, I was getting pretty frustrated and discouraged. I had set a goal to make it outside at least once a day. Saturday, I did a lot more than usual and completely paid the price. It was a bit discouraging. Enough so that I began to think about and attempt to explore other options or look for ways to get answers before my appointment on the 18th.

On Sunday, I talked through these options with a few people and even asked one for contact information to set an appointment. By that evening, I was feeling pretty good about everything and was just waiting for everything I needed to get an new appointment set.

Monday, I was going to take it easy because I was determined to make a bigger outing on Tuesday. As I sat relaxing, I got a phone call from the GI telling me they had a cancellation and they had an appointment that day in 45 minutes that I could have. To say I was excited, was an understatement. I got to the appointment and ended up waiting for the doctor for a while. He came in a reviewed everything with me, clear back to procedures done in 2007. After talking and looking at all my results, he sent me down for blood tests and three different ultrasound tests. The ultrasound tech was the same guy who had done my ultrasound a few weeks earlier and he remembered me. When he finished the ultrasounds it was about 4:55 pm. I told him the doctor had me going right back up to him and was wanting to review everything. I went back up to his office and they put me in a room while they waited and reviewed all the tests. He came in gave me a phone number and told me he wanted me to call and see this surgeon first thing the next morning and told me he thought I needed my gall bladder and appendix out. The ultrasound report showed that they could not find my appendix at all.

First thing Tuesday morning, I called the surgeon's office and set an appointment. I went in for that appointment and talked with the surgeon. After a discussion and examination, he told me he 90-95% sure that it was my gall bladder and that he wanted to take it out. After working out a few things and making a few phone calls, the surgery was set of the next day. That meant I needed to head over to the hospital and do my pre-registration and pre-op work. When I got home, I started contacting people and making arrangements for the next day. As my pre-op rebellion, I went to New Beginnings that night because my young women mean the world to me and I wanted to be there to support them.

On Wednesday, my parents showed up and we got things in order for the surgery. It was originally scheduled for 11 am, but it got moved back to 1:45. Before going, my dad gave me a priesthood blessing to help me during the surgery. We arrived early, which was fine, they put me back in my room and we were able to get situated and relaxed in the room. As they time drew nearer, I had moments of anxiousness. I had no clue what to expect. The hooked me up to IVs and asked me questions. The surgeon had a surgery at another hospital right before mine, so was running late. Once he got there, things went full speed. He talked to us for a few minutes, then I was off. I was really nervous, but was out before I knew it. After the operation, I really don't remember a ton. I wasn't funny, which was kind of disappointing. I was more passive saying "I don't know" to basically everything. I was released later that day and sent home to recover.

My parents were so great and they spent that night and the next day with me. They pushed me to drink, attempt to eat a few things, and walk or be upright more than I would have on my own. They were great in helping me with cooking and cleaning. I am so grateful that they were here for me, I could not have done it without them. By the time they left, I was able to walk by myself for a short distance and was a little less out of it. I had made arrangements for a friend to stay the night with me because the middle of the night bathroom runs worried me and it would help to have someone there. It was more a comfort blanket than anything but it really did help.

Each day I am seeing improvements, which is exciting. I was surprised and grateful for the visits on Valentine's Day. I was expecting to spend most all of that day by myself. However, good people showed up and brought me cheer and helped to lift my spirits. It was really a nice day. I had a few visitors on Saturday and was able to be more independent than the other days. This seems to be the pattern right now and I can't help but be extremely grateful for all the support and help I have received. I am very hopeful that this truly was the answer and that my life will be back to "normal" soon, whatever normal means. :)

What's Going On

It's time to come clean. I have been dropping hints and being vague about what is going on, but I think that it is time to let it out and share with you all what exactly is going on with me and my wonderful body. I've had some people asking or people who are kind of surprised when I tell them I'm sick so I am making an announcement. Please note that I do not write this for sympathy or attention, but more to inform and let you know where things are at and where I am at with the whole situation.

On January 4th, I woke up and was in pain. I thought it was the normal pain that comes with gastroparesis. That commonly happens and so I decided to take it easy that day and I'd be better by the next day. Sunday came, and a friend dropped by to pick up a few things and drop some things off. The pain was still pretty intense. While she was here, I got sick and knew that I was definitely not getting better, but getting worse. I decided to stay home that day, which was one of the hardest decisions for me. Later on, I noticed that the pain seemed to be centralizing in the right flank of my body. I called my parents to ask for advice and was told to go to Instacare immediately. The only problem was I couldn't get there before it closed. I promised to go first thing the next morning.

At Instacare, after checking the basics and all, I went in the room to wait for the doctor. When she came in, she mentioned my heart rate was at 140, I was dehydrated and that the pain was most likely a kidney infection, so she wanted to put me on IVs to help with all of that. I was there for 2 hours as they pumped liquids through. I was hopeful that with the diagnosis I would be feeling better soon. I was diligent about taking the medicine (even though it didn't seem to be working).

On Thursday, they changed my medicine, when they heard that it didn't seem to be working. Once again, I was hopeful. However, Friday night found me in the worst pain I had experienced. It was difficult to move. I couldn't even make it to the bathroom. I waited it out, because I'm stubborn and refused to go to the ER. The pain finally decreased and I slept well. However, I still hurt pretty bad pain the next day. After numerous people trying, one friend finally convinced me it was time to go to the ER.

In the ER, I had a catheter of my bladder, got put on some crazy medicines, had a CT Scan and spent some more time on IVs. It was a whirlwind. It didn't feel like I was there that long, but I really was. After the CT Scan, they came in with the results. They told me that on top of my diagnosis of infection they found a kidney stone in the left kidney which was passable (my pain is on the right side) and a small ovarian cyst on the right. They requested that I follow up with my primary care doctor or a Urologist.

I went to the Urologist on Wednesday. It was a breath of fresh air. I felt like he really wanted to find answers and took the time to explain things, explore options, and listen. It was nice. He also showed me the CT Scan, which mean I got to see the stone. It is 6 mm and is not passable. He also said none of the test results he had seen showed any sign of a kidney infection. He sent me to have a ultrasound, which came back normal and then did a stomach x-ray. Since then, a few other things have happen that have become a little concerning.

A week after that, on a Thursday, I had a HIDA Scan. This was to test the functions of the liver, gallbladder, and such in that area. It sounded simple and not very intimidating. I was to fast for 4 hours, go in and sit under a scan camera for almost two hours, while they injected a tracer, waited, and then a flush. I wasn't very comfortable to begin with, but as soon as the flush entered my system, the pain was intense. There was a point I was in tears because of pain. However, it was comforting because I could feel they strength of the prayers that were being offered on my account. However, today I got a phone call from the Urology department saying that the test came back normal. They said the next step is to wait for the Gastro doctor, which isn't until mid-February, unless there is a cancellation.

What happens next is not in my hands. I am trusting that there is a reason I am going through this pain and I know that whatever happens next is the Lord's will. Do I get discouraged? You bet. This pain is not normal for me. and not getting answers is hard. However, I am okay with whatever that may be. If this is a something that I need to struggle with for a while, then so be it. I know that I am in good hands and that whatever happens, is for a reason. I will take whatever it is and run with it as much as I can. They key is to make the best out of every situation.

I want to thank you all for the outpouring of help that I have received. There have been so many people (I won't name them all because I am sure that I'd forget someone) who have been supports. There have been visits, food, blankets, meds, prayers, flowers, books, movies, CDs, cards, candles, candies, texts, and so much more. Each and every single one of these things has made this a little easier to go through. As an independent, stubborn person, it has been so humbling to ask for help, receive help, and admit that I can't do this alone. Each of you have been helpful, whether you have known it or not. Just knowing there are good people in the world makes life so much better. Your good thoughts and prayers help. Please keep sending them.

What I've Learned About Myself

The past week has been pretty difficult for me. (What a positive way to start a post, I know). It is said that hard times challenge us, change us and teach us things we've never known. Well, I have learned a lot. Some of these things I already knew, but we re-taught this week.

• I'm stubborn
• Not feeling well gives me crazy dreams
• I have such amazing family and friends
• Movies and books get old after a while
• Seeing little kids makes me smile, even when I'm in pain
• I don't drink enough liquids
• I try to put on a face that I'm ok, even when I'm not
• Asking for help is hard for me to do
• There are so many people out there who care and want to help
• I'm spoiled
• Prescriptions make me feel blah sometimes
• Other times, they actually help
• Heavenly Father is so mindful of me and my situation
• I'm pretty loopy and entertaining on pain meds
• I'm falling apart
• The pictures on the CT machine, kind of make me laugh.
• Heated blankets at the hospital are  new favorite
• My "Peanut Gallery" make waiting for help/diagnosis/whatever so much more entertaining
• Me + Texting in the ER = Not Good = I don't like doing it
• Some meds make me tired

There has been more I've learned, but these are the ones I am processing right now. After reading this, you may need a bit of an explanation. Without to much information or too many specifics, I have been in pain for over a week. In the previous post I mentioned being on IVs and all. Well, we ended up changing the prescription, but the pain didn't stop. Friday night, I had the worst pain of my life. However, due to my stubbornness, I didn't go to the ER. Yesterday the pain was not the worst ever status, but still awful. My friend took me to the ER, where they did blood work, catheters, CT scans and gave me some crazy pain meds. Needless to say, we don't have all the answers yet, just a few of them. I'm grateful to know what I do and look forward to finding out more on Wednesday.

This has taught me a lot and showed me ways I need to be better. Still climbing in this battle, so I'm sure there is more to learn, but am grateful for what I have learned and for ALL the help I have received. I couldn't do anything with all of you, and your good thoughts and prayers.

Happy New Year!!!

I have high hopes for this year. I'm seriously excited for 2014. So much happened in 2013 that made it a tough year. It was also a year of great growth. I learned a lot about myself and learned so many ways that I could be better and do better in all areas. It is quite exciting to learn these things.

With that, setting goals (which is something I've struggled with in the past) was easy. I have a few things that I want to change and things I want to be better. They are personal and so I won't share them, but I am focusing on the things that I can control.

After the first few days, I had high hopes. Things were going well. I was feeling good. Progress was being made. I was truly happy. I got back in to the swing of babysitting. It was so fun. With one family, we even had a pajama party and the kids were so well behaved. We built with legos, had a dance party, decorated paper pillow cases, had a great lunch and more. Yes, if this was any sign, 2014 is going to be great.

The past few days have been a bit more challenging.I was excited because every year I get the first two Saturdays off at the temple, due to cleaning schedules, so I get to sleep in. Little did I realize what was about to hit. I was in pain all day and didn't really leave the couch. The other things I wanted to do, did not get done. When I woke up Sunday, the pain was still there and added nausea. Needless to say, it was an awful day and I began to recognize some of the symptoms. They were similar to something I had a lot growing up, but the pain made me think it had progressed more.

I went to to doctor this morning. My heart rate was really high, I was dehydrated, and the I was correct on the other part of the diagnosis. I was doing so fantastic that the doctor put me on IVs to add hydration, get me some medication and hopefully bring the heart rate down. Two hours later and two bags of fluids later, I was  re-evaluated and they said I was fine to go home with instructions to take meds, drink lots of liquids, not to do much of anything except walk around a bit, and rest. We are still awaiting results on two tests, which may cause medications to be change or more tests, but it is a step in the right direction. :)

Yep, that's right. I'm not too discouraged about this. Things like this happen and it is not going to stop me from making 2014 better than 2013. In fact, maybe this will get the blahness out early. I have realized how much optimism can help in these situations. I found it coming out naturally as a nurse came in to check on my fluids, she and I started joking around a bit. It made sitting in a dark room in a doctor's office so much more bearable.

I have not given up on 2014. It is still going to be a great year and can't wait to see what new adventures come up this year. Happy New Year! May it be so full of happiness and joy and love and peace and adventures!